Out of the Darkness
by LastMartian
Summary: When Rachel is hurt, Ivy thinks back on their relationship. Post Pale Demon.


**Fic: Out of the Darkness**

 **Author: LastMartian**

 **Rating: PG**

 **Spoilers: Story takes place after Pale Demon**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the Hollows or any of the characters associated with it; it belongs to the wonderful Kim Harrison. I did quote some of her text from Pale Demon; I do so only in a non-commercial way.**

 **A/N: I did take some small liberties with how events actually occurred in the books. I'm hoping that the changes enhanced the story more so than detracted from it.**

 **Chapter 1 – The Run**

"Hang on, Rache; help is on the way." I cursed inwardly at the delay of the ambulance, while holding the towel to her wound in an attempt to slow the flow of blood out of Rachel's side. I had already licked at the wound, hoping my saliva would close it as much as possible. Probably not the best choice, but I couldn't think straight; I was too terrified by how pale Rachel looked.

It had started out as a simple run; we just needed to find out what a small pack of Weres were doing in an old factory. The FIB had recently been overrun with several crime sprees, including a human trafficking ring, and their limited staff (far smaller than the IS, where we used to work) couldn't handle the workload. Several reports came in about some Weres hanging around an old factory, but nothing specific had been seen or found. That's where we came in. We just needed to keep eyes on the Weres and report back to Glenn if we found anything.

We had scoped out the outside with no issue; Jenks had verified multiple times that there were no hidden surprises waiting for us. I was thankful that Rachel wasn't being gung ho about this; I had been afraid that she would want to rush in and sort everything out after all the Weres were down. We actually had a chance of this run going off without a hitch. Unfortunately, this plan was already shot before we had even started it.

Sneaking in wasn't a problem; the Weres apparently weren't expecting any interference, as there were no guards posted. This is of itself was suspicious, but as Jenks had found nothing wrong outside, we decided it was safe enough to move inside. The factory was full of old machinery, which made it easier to move about but harder to see the Weres. When we finally settled in to where we could observe the Weres, we realized that Glenn's information was not as good as he thought. These were the human smugglers, as we could see several teenaged girls gagged and tied together in the center of the factory floor. The Weres were talking to each other, and luckily my enhanced hearing could pick out the gist of their conversation. I was not happy with what I heard.

The buyer wanted the merchandise tonight.

Of course, calling several frightened young girls merchandise really pissed me off. I quickly whispered to Rachel and Jenks what I had heard. I could see the outright anger in Rachel's face, and judging by the knowing look she gave me, she was ready to step this up. I am sure my eyes were dilated fully with rage, so Rachel knew where I stood.

"Jenks," I whispered, "you need to get outside and call Glenn right away. Tell him we need backup, and we need it now."

"Ivy, don't tell me you are planning to take on those 6 Weres, just the two of you. That's some Rachel level thinking there. Tink's diaphragm, wait for Glenn!" Jenks protested.

I turned my gaze, full of rage, on him; Jenks shuddered. "Jenks, it may be too late by then. We need to save those girls right now before anything further happens. We have a chance to save them; in 10 minutes they may be gone. Now go!" Jenks knew that he was outvoted on this. He flew away, muttering to himself. I knew he'd make the call; he just needed to protest to show that he cared about what happened to us. In a way it could be amusing, but I was far from amused right now.

"Rache, can you take out those Weres closer to the girls? I will take the 3 closer to us." I asked, as I silently slid out my katana from its sheath. I was glad that I had taken the time to sharpen it earlier; it would get plenty of action today. I saw her nod to my question, pulling out her splat gun. She slowly thumbed the safety off, showing she was ready to move. I could feel energy starting to build in her; she was apparently tapping a ley line, spindling the energy to be ready to use as needed.

I moved first, quickly homing in on my first target. I had already grabbed him by the shirt and thrown him at a nearby steel column before the others even knew I was there. I heard the soft hiss of pressurized air being released, knowing Rachel was already targeting those Weres that were too close to the girls. She was a good shot, so I knew I didn't need to worry about them being conscious for long. I moved onto the second Were with my katana at ready. He wasn't reacting fast enough, so I contented myself with simply punching him hard straight on his nose. A satisfying crunch came from the punch; I had easily broken his nose. Without pausing I moved towards the third.

This one had managed to pull his gun and was shakily aiming towards me. _Great, he's more likely to hit me on accident than any well placed shot_. I quickly reached out for the hand holding the gun, bending it to the side quickly. A shot went off before I managed to twist his wrist enough for him to drop the gun. A quick hit with the hilt of my katana put him down. I turned to survey the scene; the Were I had thrown against the column was completely unconscious. The one with the broken nose was lying on the ground in a fetal position, rocking while holding his nose gently. I could see the three Weres Rachel had hit were sleeping peacefully. I hoped they enjoyed it; this would be the last peaceful sleep for a long time, if I had my way.

"Good job, Rache. These guys didn't seem too professional; probably just a side gig. Just need the FIB to clean up. Help me free these girls." Rachel hadn't said a word since the fight began; normally she would be grumbling about something or yelling at the Weres by now. I turned to look her way and noticed her lying on the ground. _Rachel_! Rushing over to her, I could see a spreading blossom of blood on her shirt. Pulling it aside, a bullet hole revealed itself in her left side. The asshole Were missed me but managed to hit Rachel by pure happenstance.

"JENKS! You need to call an ambulance! Rachel's been shot!" I knew that the pixie would have come back in after calling Glenn. I heard the quick flutter of wings before I saw him. For once, he actually listened; I could see he was already talking into his phone.

The wound looked fairly nasty. It looked like she had lost quite a bit of blood already. I knew that I needed to slow down the bleeding; I was afraid that, if this flow kept up, Rachel would die before help could get here. A sudden sharp pang hit my heart with that thought, but I quickly suppressed it as I started looking for something to staunch the bleeding. I grabbed Rachel's bag and looked inside; I found a small towel that I could use. I started pressing down on the wound, wondering how long it would be before the ambulance arrived.

 **Chapter 2 – Someone You Love**

"What in the Turn is taking so long?" I yelled at the ambulance driver. Turning to the paramedic working on Rachel, I bellowed, "Why is she still bleeding? She isn't waking up; why isn't she waking up? Help her, damn you!"

The paramedic blanched slightly, obviously not used to dealing with an angry vamp putting out pheromones like crazy. "Ms. Tamwood, we have an IV in her to help with her fluids. We can't do anything about the wound until the doctors are able to get the bullet out. We checked and verified that there is no exit wound, so it is still in there. We are using compresses to slow the bleeding down in the meantime. She's lost a lot of blood, which is why she is unconscious. We'll be at the hospital shortly; I just need you to calm down for me in the meantime."

My natural instinct was to grab him by his throat and force him to take care of Rachel now, but an inner voice was telling me that he was doing as best as he could. I had to have a little patience, but nothing in me wanted to be patient right now. She was hurt and she needed help, and I was powerless to do anything about it. I wanted nothing more than to force someone to help her, but I took a moment to count to ten. Instead, I turned to Rachel, the tears that were already flowing from my eyes now sliding off my face.

"Rachel, please be strong for me," I pleaded, "I need you to be strong."

I had sent Jenks home to be with his family right now, promising him that I would keep in touch with any updates. I wanted him to contact Rachel's mom and brother, as well as Ceri. Rynn, too, I begrudged. (I appreciated all that Rynn did to keep us safe, even if it were for ulterior motives.) Jenks had protested this, wanting to be at Rachel's side, but I had reminded him that his family needed him as well. He still had young children to take care of; without Matalina at his side, it was up to him to be the caregiver. Jenks had reluctantly agreed, after wringing a promise out of me to call him as soon as I heard any news.

We finally pulled up to the hospital. I could see some people coming out to meet the ambulance; a trauma team, I guessed. I apparently had missed the driver calling ahead, obviously either engrossed in feeling helpless or berating the paramedic for not doing enough. They quickly unloaded the gurney from the ambulance, followed by the doctor asking rapid-fire questions of the paramedic. I fell into pace with them, trying to pay attention to what was being said.

As they wheeled Rachel back further into the ER, I was quickly stopped by a nurse. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you need to wait out here. Let the doctors do their work." I growled at her, and went to move around her at vamp speed. I was surprised that she was able to match my moves, still blocking me from going further. _A vamp nurse_ , I thought. She continued, "Please wait out here. Your shadow will be fine; the doctors will be able to help her better if they aren't distracted by you."

"She's not my shadow," I objected. "She's my partner and she's been hurt badly. I need to be with her." _The nerve of this woman; I am a Tamwood! How dare she keep me from Rachel's side!_

My objection that Rachel wasn't my shadow apparently surprised her, as the feelings I was projecting were very common between master and shadow. Suddenly, I could feel her aura pushing against mine; I apparently had subconsciously begun using my aura on her. I had wanted her out of my way, and my body reacted accordingly. It didn't really bother me as much that I had done so, but a small part of me realized that I needed better control.

"Be that as it may," she started, still struggling against the strength of my aura, "you need to wait out here. You will only get in the way there, and it might hurt her more than it would help. Do you really want that?"

I slumped my shoulders and released my aura, realizing the truth to her words. Hurt though it might, Rachel was in the best care that she could get right now. Nodding to the nurse, I moved over to the waiting area. I couldn't bear to sit, so instead I paced around the floor with a scowl on my face. It wasn't until I noticed people not so subtly moving away from me that I realized what I was doing. Sighing, I floundered into a chair, trying to be as patient as possible.

A few minutes later, I saw the paramedic start heading towards the door. I jumped out of my chair, heading in his direction. When he saw me coming towards him, he paused to let me catch up. He saw the questioning look on my face, he replied, "She's stable for the moment. They are taking her to x-ray first to see if the bullet stayed whole or fragmented, then onto surgery. Just based on initial exams by Dr. Knowlton, it doesn't appear that anything major was hit, but the x-ray and surgery will better determine that. They know you are here for her, so they will come out with updates when they can."

"Thank you," I replied gratefully. I remembered how awful I was to him in the ambulance, so I knew I had to say something. "I'm sorry for earlier, in the ambulance…"

"No need. When someone you love is hurt, you will do and say anything to make sure that they will get better, that they will get the treatment that they need. You aren't the first to have gone off on me in the ambulance, and you won't be the last. Just be sure to take care of yourself as well; she will need you when this is over."

With those words, he parted from me, heading out of the sliding glass doors to the ambulance bay. _When someone you love is hurt_ …

Just a month earlier, I had told Rachel in San Francisco that I was moving on. I needed to free myself from the feelings that had plagued me since I had met her. She obviously wasn't interested in returning those feelings, and hanging onto them was just poisoning me. Our relationship seemed better now that that cloud wasn't hanging over us. I was dating Glenn now, who has been good for me. We found that we had things in common, and it felt good to just be with someone for fun. Rachel looked consternated when she saw us together, but she's always looked that way at anyone I dated. I had always wondered (and hoped) that it was jealousy, that she couldn't stand seeing me with anyone else, but it was still occurring, even after our talk. I had wondered about that, but had usually dismissed it as her feeling like a third wheel.

Did I still have feelings for Rachel? Yes, but they didn't upset me like they used to. I recognized her feelings on the matter, so I didn't feel the need to dredge up my own. The past month had been good for us, until now. _When someone you love is hurt_ … I couldn't get those words out of my mind. Had I been fooling myself? Did it only take her getting badly hurt for those feelings to resurface, threatening to take over my life again? She's been so strong from the start; it had hurt me to see her so frail when we were waiting for the ambulance.

 **Chapter 3 – Partner**

 _5 years earlier_

"Morgan! Got your new partner here," yelled Denon.

"This is the third one in as many months, Denon, how many more are you going to subject me to?" came the quick reply.

Walking around Denon, I quickly stepped up to her. "I'm Ivy Tamwood, your new partner." Holding out my hand, I took a quick glance at her, measuring her up. Her most prominent feature was the wild tangle of red hair; it was like fire was blazing from her head. She had a fairly pale complexion with what would be called an athletic build. It was kind of odd to not see freckles on someone clearly of Irish descent; it was usually the norm. I had already seen pictures of her from Piscary, but the pictures did no justice. She was very striking. I can't say that I was impressed by how she dressed though; to say she dressed like a hooker would be improper to say, but fairly accurate. The short skirt, the skintight shirt, the thigh high boots, and the hoop earrings all screamed "sex for sale" to me. _For a runner, how does she actually run in those things?_

She ignored my proffered hand, and turned again to Denon. "You're saddling me with a vamp? Why?"

Denon was obviously enjoying this too much, as he chuckled. "To make your life miserable, Morgan. She's your partner, get used to it." With that, he turned and headed back to his office.

Sighing, she turned back to me, asking, "Who did you piss off to get stuck with me? I know who I've pissed off; just wondering if I need to add more names to my list."

"Nobody, I asked for you. Heard you were the best runner in the division," I responded. So, I fibbed a little. Piscary had assigned me to her, and Denon was more than happy to comply. Piscary wanted me to break her and bind her to me, for reasons he wouldn't elaborate on. I had shrugged my shoulders at the time, so here I was. Calling her the best runner was a bit forced, but I figured a little flattery went a long way.

"Damn straight I am the best runner; so good that they have me approving MPLs and searching for lost familiars," she sarcastically replied, "you know, earth shattering events. I'm sure I am due for traffic duty any day now."

"What do we have planned for today?" It was going to be a long assignment if I had to deal with little Ms. Sarcasm here every day. Hopefully Piscary knew what he was doing.

Rachel looked at me, as if sizing me up finally. "Well, we get to go interview a woman who claims that werewolves are digging up her back yard. Probably some kind of wild animal, but you never know. The IS needs to investigate everything, provided that I'm available to do the weird ones. It doesn't bother me so much; at least it's better than paperwork." She smiled at that; an easy going smile that showed me that this was the real Rachel Morgan. The sarcastic act was probably for Denon's, and at the time my, benefit.

She yawned briefly, and grabbed a nearby bag. "It's almost my designated exercise time at the gym; wanna come along?"

I had noticed the slight change to her temperament; she obviously enjoyed working out, or at least a change of pace from the norm, so I figured that I would accompany her; I'd get a chance to see what she was made of. First, I needed to drop the bait. "Sure, let me get my things. Hopefully I can find someone to spar with; my regular partner is out of town right now. Not many here can compete with me."

Rachel innocently replied, "I can spar with you. And to prove what a great partner I am, I will even go easy on you, but just this once." I couldn't help but notice the corners of her mouth upturning slightly; she was pretty confident of herself, or at least her abilities.

I shook my head, slowly pulling in my unsuspecting prey. "You would be at an unfair disadvantage, due to my increased speed and strength. I usually spar with other living vampires, so that I can get a good workout. I don't want to embarrass you; it would cause our professional relationship to start on a down note."

"Ha!" she exclaimed loudly, a smile beaming in her face. _She really looks radiant when she smiles_. I had thought that only a fake saying; who actually ever looks radiant? _She does_. "Now I feel challenged. I can take you; to prove it, how about a little bet? Loser buys lunch today. I'll take my steak medium well, thanks."

Oh, the arrogance! She definitely needed to be broken; I figured that now was as good a time to start as any. She needs to know that I am the dominant one here; the sooner she realizes that, the better our relationship will be. _And what a relationship that could be_ , I thought, purring to myself. "Fine. One spar, first one to fall is loser."

Needless to say, I was shocked when, just 10 minutes later, I was lying face down on the floor, with my arms behind me in handcuffs. I had chosen to take it easy on her; I didn't want to hurt her badly due to my superior strength, so I held back. Rachel didn't seem to care that I was undoubtedly stronger and faster than her; she came out swinging. I had easily blocked her first two blows aimed at my face, not expecting a well-placed kick to follow up quickly afterwards, knocking me down. Before the surprise of being on the ground had worn off, she had flipped me over and was attaching the cuffs to my wrists.

Rachel's' face had a broad smirk on it, and her eyes twinkled with laughter. I begrudgingly offered my surrender, and, laughing, she unlocked the cuffs on me. The joy that was evident in her face was something to behold; I had never seen anyone that glowed with so much happiness. _Maybe I had misjudged her_ , I considered. Even though I would never admit it, she had earned some respect from me. What sane witch would willingly go up against a living vampire in a straight fight, using no magic? Obviously her self-confidence was justified; she apparently had the skills to back up her boasts.

 _That's when my feelings for her began_ …

 **Chapter 4 - Family**

"Ivy!"

Broken from my momentary reverie, I looked up to see Rynn standing above me. Two burly men in dark suits were behind him, slowly scanning the room. Of course, he was accompanied by vamp bodyguards; the man never went anywhere without them. You would think that being the very popular ex-President would prevent any kind of attacks from occurring, but he was often seen as the interloper who took over Piscary's camarilla. Some people are killed for less, hence the need for bodyguards.

"Ivy, has there been any word yet on Ms. Morgan?" Rynn spoke like a concerned neighbor would, seeming as if he could become upset easily. Rynn Cormel, however, was an undead vampire, and thus had no soul. No soul, no real emotional connections to anyone. His chief concern was making sure Rachel was fine so that she could keep working on the problem with vampires keeping their souls after death. It's also why he wanted so badly for us to have a relationship; he figured that, if Rachel loves me, she will have an even greater desire to resolve this issue.

"Nothing yet. I know she was being taken into surgery, but that was an hour ago." I was trying to be patient, but I really felt like yelling at people until someone gave me an answer. I know that this was merely my vampire protective side rearing its ugly head, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with.

Rynn frowned, trying to show concern. "My apologies, Ivy. I know that this must be a trying time for you. Let me try talking to the hospital administrator, to see if we can find out her condition. Please excuse me while I try to get an update."

With that, Rynn walked away at a fast pace, with the bodyguards quickly following him. He disappeared around a corner, and I was once again alone with my thoughts. It wasn't too long before I heard a shouted "V!" come to me; looking up I saw my sister Erica headed towards me. I guess Jenks took the initiative to call her, figuring that I would need the support of my family as well. I was glad that Erica was here now, as I loved her deeply. Unfortunately, she could be a trial sometimes if she got to talking like a teenager. Yes, she was a teenager, but there was always a hope she would be more serene and sedate.

"V! I'm so sorry, how are you doing? Have you heard anything yet? What the hell happened? What…" She would have continued nonstop if I hadn't taken the opportunity to stand up and place my finger against her lips.

"Language please, Rica. I'm okay. We haven't heard anything for an hour, since she went into surgery. Calm down please, you are flooding the room with pheromones." Of course, I was one to talk; practically everyone had fled the waiting room earlier when I first arrived, my anger saturating the area.

"Sorry, V. I just don't want anything bad to happen to Rachel. I know how much she means to you. I care for her too."

With that, I pulled her into a hug, tears coming to my eyes. Erica was one of the few people I entrusted my feelings with, and it meant a lot that she was there to help support me. Tears starting their course down my face as I held her, finally allowing myself to show the frustration and despair I was feeling. "Thank you, Rica, "I whispered. "I can always count on you for support."

Erica pulled back from me to look me in the eyes. "That's what sisters are for, V. You've always been there for me; how could I do any less for you?" Erica smiled up at me. I could see the worry in her eyes, even though she had managed to dampen the pheromones she was giving off. Erica had come a long way in the past couple of years; she was learning a lot better control over her vampiric abilities. I was proud of my little sister.

It was still daytime, so I knew Erica was alone; there was no need to look for my parents. I was glad for this; in my current emotional state I did not want to have to face my mother. My mother never failed to show her disappointment that I had yet to fulfill my role in the family, i.e., produce an heir. If I were to have children, it would be on my terms, not because of her desire for them. Besides, I was reluctant to have children as it were, due to a desire to never force anyone to go through the living hell that I did as a child.

Erica and I sat down in the waiting area; Erica seemed to want to talk to me. I let her go on, with occasional nods and mhmms coming from me, to encourage her to keep talking. I knew it was a coping mechanism for her when she got stressed; I wanted her to feel some peace in her life, so I did nothing to stop her when she became this way. Instead, I went back to thinking of my childhood, of the nightmare that was Piscary.

 _Piscary_ …

 **Chapter 5 - Caregiver**

Anguish. Anger. Betrayal. Fear. Loathing. All these and more emotions were clashing in my head. I didn't know how to cope; it felt like my mind couldn't decide what it should be expressing. I just knew this: I had failed. Failed Piscary, failed my family, and failed myself. For my failure, I deserved to be punished.

I had been summoned to Piscary's; Kist brought me there on Piscary's orders. Piscary was angry with me. He was upset that I had yet to bind Rachel to me. He was threatening to do the deed himself, because he deemed Rachel a threat. No matter what I said, no matter how much I pled for Rachel, he refused to listen. He demanded that I bind Rachel to me that very day. To his surprise, I refused him. I had learned to respect and love Rachel; there was no way in hell that I would do that to her without her permission. I had failed him, he told me.

Surprisingly, he took a more soft tone. He wanted me to be his equal, he told me. He had never found another in my line that was as strong as I was, and he wanted me to live forever with him. He gently shrugged it off when I told him that I didn't want to live forever. He had known of my fast, and he knew that he could break me. He took my finger and cut himself with it. The smell assaulted my senses; undead blood had a much stronger aroma than the blood from mortals. I had fasted from blood for 3 years, trying to deny myself. The temptation was so strong I couldn't resist for long; my hunger completely took over. I had to drink.

Once I had started, I couldn't stop. Piscary encouraged me to drink from him. It was an indescribable taste, like I was drinking in his power. I knew he would ask to drink of me in return, so that he could replenish his blood back. I willing agreed; I practically begged of him to do so. I would have agreed to anything that would keep that wonderful feeling I was experiencing. It ended all too soon. After the blood sharing, he made me his new Scion.

Inwardly, I was furious with myself that I had succumbed to this. I loathed myself, that I couldn't even withstand this enticement of blood before me, that one simple whiff was enough to throw my resolve out the window. I wanted to scream, to cry, to collapse into myself, yet still I feasted. Despite my anger and frustration at my fate, one terrible truth remained:

I enjoyed the physical sensations of drinking Piscary's blood and him drinking from me in turn.

My body betrayed me that day. I wanted nothing more to separate myself from it, because how could I trust anything that could derive pleasure from something so awful? How could I stand living with myself, knowing that I had had gratification from something so despicable? How could I live with the feeling that I enjoyed something so vile, so repugnant?

I felt numb afterwards. Piscary didn't say a word; he just simply walked away. I felt hands gently pulling me away towards the elevator. I knew that Kisten was the one helping me, even after I had hurt him. He had tried to stop me from drinking too much of Piscary, and I had pushed him away violently for his efforts. I was grateful for his support now, but I didn't deserve it. I wanted to apologize, to beg his forgiveness, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I just needed to be away from this place, from these memories, more than anything.

Kisten took me upstairs and outside to his bike. He helped me onto it, with me clinging tightly to him. With a quick revving, the bike started into motion. I felt, for the first time, Piscary in my mind. This newest travesty broke me, and I started crying. It wasn't bad enough to have felt forced to drink his blood, now he was in my very mind? It wasn't enough for him to have violated my body, now my very soul was contaminated by him. I had fought so hard to be independent, to be my own person, and now I would forever be his to do with as he pleased. This was my true punishment. There would always be a reminder within my mind of my debasement at his hands.

There were no words spoken during the ride. We arrived back at the church, or so I assumed; I was unable to pay attention at the time to anything around me. I didn't care about anything but getting away from the feelings I was experiencing. Kisten parked the bike and helped me off the bike. Seeing that I was not moving, he gently lifted me and carried me to the door. Setting me on the front step, he looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, simply saying "I'm so sorry, Ivy." Despite my anguish at the time, I still was able to notice that he hadn't said it in his normal fake British accent. On later reflection, I knew that the real Kisten, my Kisten, had shown himself at that moment.

I don't remember falling down outside, but that's how Rachel found me. I was lying there in a puddle of dark blood and vomit. I wanted nothing more but to hide from the world and cry. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Rachel helped me to the shower, where I scrubbed and scrubbed myself raw. Despite scrubbing until the water went cold, I still felt dirty and unclean. I wasn't sure if I would ever feel clean again. Afterwards, Rachel bundled me up. I was so afraid that I had been killed by Piscary, that when morning came I would burn. I begged her to watch over me; she agreed and gently stroked my hair over and over, whispering "I'm here" repeatedly, until I slept. It calmed me more than anything else that she could have said or done.

I still don't remember much more of that time with Rachel; I just remember two feelings I have about that night: Rachel showed me how much she loved me by taking care of me when I needed it most, and she also showed me how much she cared for me by immediately setting out after Piscary once she had taken care of me. At the time, if I were in full use of my faculties, I would have stringently yelled at her for trying to take on Piscary, especially alone. Reflecting back on it, I realized that Rachel did the same thing I would have done if our roles were reversed. I would do anything to ensure Rachel's safety.

 _And yet she is now in a hospital_ …

 **Chapter 6 - Waiting**

I suddenly realized that Erica had been silent for a while. Looking up, I could see the concern in her face. I'm sure that, with what I had been thinking about, my face had shown a myriad of emotions. I didn't like remembering that night; the only thing I reminisced about was the feel of Rachel's love afterwards. I felt it wrap itself around me, keeping me safe from the horrors I had experienced that night.

"I'm okay, Rica. Just dredging up bad memories. The wait is killing me," furtively looking around for a doctor, Rynn, anyone that could give me **something** to help stave off these depressive thoughts. The more time I had to sit doing nothing, the more time I had to come up with yet another worst case scenario. At some point, I had jumped out of my seat and was now completing ignoring my little sister. I just needed to do something **now**.

"V. V! Ivy! Look at me!" The sharp urgency in her voice gave me pause. I turned again to face her. "Ivy, everything is going to be okay!" Apparently my little sister was better at reading my emotions than I gave her credit for. "There is nothing we can do right now for Rachel. We need to be ready to be strong for her, as she will need us!" Her voice went to a whisper. "She will need you."

"I feel like I failed her, Erica, and she's paying the price. What's taking them so long? Something has to be wrong or they would have come out by now. I have to do something to help her! I can't just stand her waiting…" _for her to die_ , the thought finished in my head. I really didn't want that thought, but I knew that that had been my real fear all along: that she was leaving me for good.

My heart was hammering in my chest. Based on Erica's pupils rapidly dilating, I must have been pushing out a massive spike of pheromones without knowingly doing so, for the second time of the night. It's amazing the effect that Rachel has on me, even when she isn't here. _Crap on toast_. (Great, now I was picking up her mannerisms.) I knew I had to calm myself before I went out of control, but it seemed impossible. My fears were fueling me too much right now. I could feel the tension and fear building up in the people around me, and it was delicious.

"V?" Erica was looking at me cautiously, thinking that I was on the verge of vamping out.

"I need…to go." Getting those words out felt like a monumental task. I quickly ran towards the sliding doors and headed outside. I didn't hear or smell Erica following me, which I was glad for. I wanted, no **needed** , to be alone right now. I hadn't lost control like that in a long time, and I despised myself for doing so. All I could think about was the fact that Rachel was fighting for her life because of me.

God, what was I thinking? I never went in a fight without a plan. Seeing those frightened girls had stirred something primal in me, a strong desire to protect them. I felt such a strong need to tear those Weres to pieces for daring to harm them. My impulsiveness resulted in Rachel, my Rachel, being shot. Even Jenks had warned me against action, arguing that I should wait for backup to arrive. I was stubborn though; I had previously vowed that I would never see another child be subjected to the horrors that I had experienced. I had tossed all reason to the side to satisfy my need to right wrongs done to me years ago. Now my rash behavior had endangered the life of someone I loved dearly.

 _When someone you love is hurt_ …

Tears had begun freely flowing down my face as the paramedic's words came back to me again. Yes, I still loved Rachel, I admitted to myself. How could I not? I had loved her when we were partnered in the IS. I had loved her since the very first days of our independent runner business. I loved her despite myself. I'm not sure I would ever love anyone as much as I loved her.

I had loved her enough to say goodbye to her…

 **Chapter 7 - Goodbye**

 _San Francisco_

We were finally alone. The long road trip, accompanied by an annoying, loving, grief stricken pixie, a murderous, untrustworthy elf, and a member of the same Coven that was trying to imprison Rachel, was at an end. Jenks and Kalamack had already left on Kalamack's secret mission. Vivian had departed, undoubtedly heading back to report to the Coven on all of our misadventures on the way here.

Rachel had gone in for a bath after her trip to the Ever After. I was pacing the floor, awaiting when she would emerge. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't want to do it. I had to say goodbye to her, but in such a way that she wouldn't worry about those she would need to leave behind. I wanted her to have closure, in case we would never see each other again. Just thinking this brought tears to my eyes, which I swiftly wiped away. I needed to show her strength and love, not misery. I wanted her to know that I wouldn't wallow in self-pity, mooning over a love that I would never have.

Rachel would always worry over her family, Jenks and I in particular. It was in her very nature; she loved and cared for those she called friends. It was one of the many things I loved about her. She would never be able to move forward if she thought that her friends needed her. I had to convince her that we would be okay, that we would be taken care of in her absence. It didn't matter what really happened tomorrow; she needed to be able to reach her potential without us holding her back.

I felt that my heart would break yet again, but this time I would be the one doing the breaking.

"I knew ever since you sealed that room in the tunnels that you and I weren't going to work even if you woke up some morning and wanted it to. I felt the power of what you could do. I saw it. I saw the fear in Edden's eyes. It only made me love you more."

I could see a feeling of distress overcoming her. "And you don't think I need you? After that? Ivy, it was your soul that protected me."

The remembrance of our souls merging, with mine slowly protecting hers tugged on my heartstrings. Despite my very best efforts, tears came to me. I quickly nodded and wiped my eyes. "You'll do better once you let us go. Jenks and me both. We'll be okay."

Some of the things I spoke about, I can't remember. For someone who plans everything out in advance, I knew this talk had to come from the heart. I spoke of belonging, of the acceptance I found with her, of my ability to now find the good in my life and in the lives of others. I thanked her for believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. I asked her to let me go, so that I could move on, in the same way that I was letting her move on.

I'm not sure how I managed to get through all of that without crying. At one point, she had come to her feet. I hugged her then, enjoying being in her arms if for but a moment. I gently eased away from her, knowing that this could end in only one way. I needed to kiss her, not as a vamp, but as a woman, as myself. When I leaned in, I could hear her sudden intake of breath, almost a barely audible gasp. Our lips met. It wasn't like our previous kiss, where I had given her the ultimatum of "all or nothing". In that kiss, I felt no response from her. Now, she was kissing me back.

The softness of her lips was everything I knew them to be. I had waited so long for this moment, that it was almost horrible knowing that it was going to be our last. I placed my hand at her waist and drew the other to her cheek, slowly caressing it. I could feel the tears falling from my eyes. I let my tongue languidly lick her lips, but didn't press the kiss any further than that. I wanted her to feel my passion, even if it were only for this one time. I wanted her to know that my vampire instincts weren't guiding me, that I was making this decision as myself. I gradually broke away from her, quickly wiping the tears from my face.

I knew if given the chance, Rachel might actually break me down into taking back everything I said. My love for her was still there; I couldn't let her say or do anything that might reverse everything I had accomplished. Reluctantly, I let the final hammer blow come down:

"You're not leaving me. I'm leaving you."

 **Chapter 8 - Reunion**

It still hurt me that I had said those things to her. She probably felt that I had closed off part of myself to her, and I hated that I had to hide my true feelings from her. Sure, I did my best to play the best friend and partner, but the feelings were still there. I had tried to move on, but how do you move on from someone that you loved more than life itself?

Love isn't a simple on/off switch, but I'm not sure I would want it to be. Sometimes it would've been easier if I could have turned my feelings for Rachel off, but I had no regrets that I loved her. Despite all of the times that I had felt crushed by my emotions for her, all of the times that I felt that my heart had been broken so thoroughly that I could never love again, Rachel would so something that remind me why I loved her. Rachel had brought me out of the darkness that had been my life; I felt more at peace with myself now than I had ever been. No matter what I had said or done since then would change those feelings: I loved Rachel and always would.

Taking a quick breath in and out, I realized that I had been outside a while. I needed to go back inside and face my fears; this wasn't the end for either of us. Rachel was a fighter, so there was no way a simple bullet would defeat her. She had been through so very much in the time that I had known her. Despite all the people and things that had attempted to beat her down, she always managed to come out on top.

I headed back inside, to see if there had been any news. As soon as I had made my way through the doors, I saw Erica deep in conversation with Rynn; Ceri had shown up, as well as David, Serena and Callie. I guess Jenks felt the need to call everyone he knew, but I didn't mind. All (well, most) of these people loved Rachel, and I was glad to see them here, supporting her. Rynn saw and beckoned to me. I quickly made my way to their side.

"Ivy! You just missed Dr. Howard. Rachel successfully made it through surgery. She's in recovery right now; they expect that we can visit her in her room in about an hour." Erica was positively glowing as she informed me of this.

I smiled, feeling as if it was so wide that it would split my face. All the stress and anxiety I had been feeling evaporated like snowflakes on a warm day. I quickly embraced Erica, not caring if Rynn saw the tears. This was the happiest I had felt in months.

We slowly made our way up to Rachel's room. She was in ICU, so they would only let one of us visit at a time. Without having said anything, they had all agreed that I was going first. I moved silently up to her door. Seeing her lying there, looking paler than most vampires, was upsetting. However, I also felt heartened, knowing that Dr. Howard had said she was in clear, barring anything unforeseen. Remembering all the times she had threatened me with a bell, I softly knocked at her door. Her eyes slowly opened, and a smile, a weak but beautiful smile, made its way onto her face.

"Hey." Her voice sounded rough, but I wasn't really too surprised by this.

I slowly made my way to her bedside, sitting in a nearby chair. "Hey. You had us scared for a little while. You had actually stopped complaining about life being unfair. Jenks and I have a bet on how long it would take you to start complaining." I smirked a little.

A short laugh escaped her lips, followed quickly by a groan. "Don't make me laugh! I'm sore all over." She looked a little cross for a moment, before realizing she was complaining. The smile then returned to her face; I was ready to start giggling.

"It's okay. We're all glad you are doing better. Jenks made sure that half of Cincy was called to let them know you were here. You have a group of well-wishers ready to storm your room."

"Well, they can wait. Don't want to see anybody else right now." She had managed to pout a little, even if it were only for my benefit. Her face then took on a more serious mien as she looked up at me. "How many nurses did you threaten this time?"

I couldn't help but laugh at this. "Just one this time," I replied succinctly.

Her eyes widened a little before resuming their half lidded state. "You're getting soft, Tamwood," she managed to croak out. She gave a little yawn; I knew she had to be tired, and I didn't want to interfere with her body healing. She needed all the rest she could get right now.

"Just rest, Rachel, I can come back in later. I will let everyone else know you are okay and send them home." I gave her hand a quick squeeze as I stood up; however, she didn't let go of my hand. I looked down at her, my eyebrow automatically raising itself.

"Don't go, Ivy. Please stay. I want you here when I wake up. I can sleep better, knowing that you are here."

A delicious shiver went up my spine with her words. I tried to suppress it; I didn't want her thinking that I still thought of her that way. I sat back down, still holding her hand. I smiled softly at her. "Rest. I won't go anywhere."

She closed her eyes and let her head rest down against the pillow. "Ivy?"

"Yes, Rachel?"

Her eyes opened again, just enough to look up at me. "Thank you for being there for me. I always feel safe with you."

I doubt she would ever know what that meant to me. I knew then that it didn't ever really matter to me if she ever was in love with me. I still hoped that maybe, one day, she would change her mind, but I knew that I would never change mine. I happily smiled at her, threading my fingers into hers. "I will always be there for you, dear heart. No matter what."

 **The End**

 **Author's Notes** – I identify a lot with Ivy; I won't go into a lot of reasons why. It was sad for me that Ivy became less and less of a person and more of "will-they-or-won't-they" scenario. Once that was resolved in PD, it was like she became a background character in APB. (I hadn't read any more in the series at the time that this was written; I am not sure if I will continue at this point. I will probably do so at a later time.)

I had several songs running through my mind while writing this. All of these were centered around Ivy and her various moods: some hopeful and some not so much. In case you are interested:

• Amy Lee – "Love Exists"

• Anna Nalick – "Breathe"

• Chris Isaak – "Wicked Game"

• Evanescence – "My Immortal", "My Heart is Broken"

• Foreigner – "I Want to Know What Love Is"

• P.J. Harvey – "Who Will Love Me Now?"

• The Smiths – "How Soon Is Now?"


End file.
